I wasn’t really a high bottom drunk, but I sure though so! On the outside my life seemed quite normal, at least to me. I mean I had the DUI, but I completed my sentence and got my license back. I lost few jobs but then I got new ones. I was behind on my mortgage but I still had a home.
I couldn’t relate to the bottom case, and the horror stories I heard in the meetings and the rehab! Wait, why was I in rehab? Oh yeah, bad luck! I even remember calling my step mom after completing the first week there, and telling her how “they” made a mistake, and I just didn’t belong with THOSE druggies and low-lifes! But, again I finished the rehab classes, although I drank on the weekends, and I was voted most likely to stay sober!
Who the hell was I fooling!? I just couldn’t see it that somehow in my head, through all this, I got so used to the drama of the drunk existence that I had absolutely lost the actual understanding of a “normal” life. This had become my normal life.
I think that is the worst part of the addiction, it’s like living in some illusion. You can always find someone who is way worse of than you. You can always say I am not that bad, my drinking is not that bad! But I think it is the personal bankruptcy that finally gets us — the empty hole in our souls, the loneliness and the despair. And thank heavens for that!!! Otherwise, I would still be drinking and thinking, well… that’s not me!-
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