Alcoholic? That’s Not Me!

I wasn’t really a high bottom drunk, but I sure though so! On the outside my life seemed quite normal, at least to me. I mean I had the DUI, but I completed my sentence and got my license back. I lost few jobs but then I got new ones. I was behind on my mortgage but I still had a home.

I couldn’t relate to the bottom case, and the horror stories I heard in the meetings and the rehab! Wait, why was I in rehab? Oh yeah, bad luck! I even remember calling my step mom after completing the first week there, and telling her how “they” made a mistake, and I just didn’t belong with THOSE druggies and low-lifes! But, again I finished the rehab classes, although I drank on the weekends, and I was voted most likely to stay sober!

Who the hell was I fooling!? I just couldn’t see it that somehow in my head, through all this, I got so used to the drama of the drunk existence that I had absolutely lost the actual understanding of a “normal” life. This had become my normal life.

I think that is the worst part of the addiction, it’s like living in some illusion. You can always find someone who is way worse of than you. You can always say I am not that bad, my drinking is not that bad! But I think it is the personal bankruptcy that finally gets us — the empty hole in our souls, the loneliness and the despair. And thank heavens for that!!! Otherwise, I would still be drinking and thinking, well… that’s not me!-

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with alcohol addiction, please click the Find Support link for an extensive list of support groups. Also please check out the links to many useful resources in the sidebar, and always feel free to contact me anytime at

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Riversurfer says:

    Alcohol was never to be faulted… If one pinpointed the alcohol as the source to most of our major problems, then alcohol would have to be immediately removed and that used to be a thought unthinkable! I’d rather a illusion most my life, rather than coming to the horrifying conclusion that alcohol was a huge problem. Until my alcohol problem (and life) became unmanageable.

    Thank goodness we no longer are there, we found sobriety at last :))


    1. Yep, alcohol was my best friend I thought! It definitely couldn’t be my problem, right? Well, it was. And I am very grateful that we found sobriety too! Thanks for stopping by Riversurfer!


  2. I did have a so-called high bottom which can be difficult because some people close to me still don’t see me as an alcoholic and have suggested that I could moderate if I tried. The only difference between me and people with a lower bottom is that I was more adept at hiding my pain. No one could see the empty hole in my soul but I sure did. Whether we’re told we should stop drinking or know we should, it comes down to making a choice!


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