Sober Moms: The Sober Miracle

Being a sober parent has really made me see what a true gift sobriety is! But I sure didn’t think so at first! Parenting can be so stressful. What do you do when you get so frustrated that you want to rip your hair out? Have a drink!? Then the nerves come down and you feel like you could get through anything; go ahead scream you head off for hours and throw a tantrum and wake up 10 times a night! I can do this! Just let me have another drink! Ugh.Emerging New

Back then nothing was about the kids, it was all about the drink. There was no conversations, there was no hugging, there was not together. I ran around trying to get everything done so I could drink and drink more. Oh and those mornings… were just the worst. With the fuzzy hangover and probably still a bit buzzed, the focus was on just trying not to get busted. I scrubbed my body and lathered on the lotion to cover up the smell of alcohol. Then dropped my daughter off at the daycare door and ran!

When I look back, I know that I was unfit as a mother, although I sure thought that I was OK – I was managing. And all this was during the 2.5 years after my extended outpatient rehab stay, and before the time that I finally got sober. I guess I wasn’t quite done yet – I thought if I can just figure out how to drink without getting in trouble – that would be the best. I had rules. I didn’t drink more than a bottle a night, and I drank every other day, except on the weekends. But rules are hard to follow when you’re drinking. And nonetheless, even though I was kinda managing, it was a sloppy game of getting drunk, and trying not to get too drunk to function. Ugh, I sure do not miss those days one bit!

Kida Hands

Then last night I went to my daughter’s first violin recital. As I sat next to her dad (my ex), and looked into the crowd of kids to locate mine, tears started flowing and they wouldn’t stop. No, the music wasn’t that great! Lol! Not at all! But I found myself overwhelmed with gratitude. Because for me to be at this recital, to be sober and not hungover, to see my little girl with a huge smile on her face, to be wearing a nice outfit, to see other parents who I have gotten to know, waiving hello to me, to sit next to my ex, who I now get along with, well, all that, it’s just beyond words! It’s a long way from laying face down on the kitchen floor, that’s for sure. (To read about my last drunk, see About Me page.)

These aren’t extravagant things, to a normal person they seem kinda, well, normal. But for me, to remember where I was and the life I used to lead, and to now, and to be present in the life I have today, well, this is an absolute miracle.

What is your #sober parenting miracle?

For other Sober Moms posts click HERE.


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13 Comments Add yours

  1. Aww. So sweet and I completely agree. I want to give my son the full, complete, non-drunk attention that I didn’t always have as a child. Normal can be just great. 🙂

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    1. Right? How did that happen? Normal being great!? I love it! Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. You should be proud. Everyone gets a better deal without the booze, except Wolfie!

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    1. Yes, most definitely, and I don’t feel sorry for wolfie one bit! LOL! Thanks Carrie!

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  3. Lisa Neumann says:

    I love this beautiful tribute to all of us moms in recovery. Thank you for putting this out there. I have been feeling overloaded and you reminded me to keep my heart on the sweet stuff of life. xox

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    1. Thanks Lisa! I am holding on to this “sweet stuff of life” for sure – I am feeling overloaded too. I just pull that feeling back out and it all feels better! 🙂

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  4. Yeah i hear ya.. my parenting has definitely gone up a notch since I got sober. Not even noticeable most of the time but just that bit more present.. that bit more calm.. that bit more authentic. Like all of us when we get sober.. everything just gets that little bit better. Great post xx

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    1. Hi Mrs. D! Yes most definitely a big BIT better all around. I love these moments when it really is so clear how amazing being sober is! Thanks for stopping by.

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  5. Wow, Maggie! So amazing… I have been thinking of you all day (as we are getting our first snow, I’m wondering if this storm is in DC as well), then I read this post, and some of the lines are word for word what I say when I share my story! I had “rules” too, and I convinced myself FOR YEARS that because I followed those rules that I must not be an alcoholic. Thank goodness I don’t have to live that way anymore.

    When I think of the kind of parent I was in active addiction, I shudder, and yet had you asked me back then I would have thought I was on the ball.

    Thanks for this reminder of how many things for which I am grateful! Stay warm and dry!

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    1. Hi Josie!

      Yes, we got some crazy snow/sleet/ice combo – it has been a treacherous day! And more snow tomorrow. Being from Poland I should be used to it but, nothing ever shuts down there, it snows mountains and life just continues – in DC, a snow flake falls and it’s a disaster! LOL!

      Anyway, you just reminded me of so many instance that I used to think I had it under control and now that when I think about it, I am like, how in the world did I think that was ok?! OMG.

      I just glimpsed through the reader and saw your post – your van on a tow truck? Oh goodness – but knowing you, you found a miracle in this too! – going over to read! 🙂

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  6. HighOnHugs says:

    Miraculous! I am new to this blogging world and found you today. This is the first post of your’s I’ve read and I am in tears. Tears of love, joy, and understanding.
    I am nearing my 6th year in recovery and I’m a new mom to a miracle baby boy (long story). He’s actually 20 months old but I’m in denial that he’s a toddler ;0) Through grace he has never seen me high or drunk.
    I’ve been told that ‘normal’ is a setting on a washing machine. I can’t even do that as I use heavy duty setting mostly. Ironic? I think not!
    I am grateful to have found you and know that as always, I AM NOT ALONE. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your miracles.
    Hugs,
    Clairey

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    1. Hi Clairey! Welcome! Thanks for the kind words. I am do glad you found me too! Congrats on your miracle baby boy and six years of sobriety, that is awesome! I am so glad you found me, yes you’re not alone, we are not alone. These little miracles, I just keep in my pocket, for when I have the shitty days and I want to check out, I pull them out and it’s like a magic cure! I heard someone say once: These are the good old days, so I try to remember that I am now making new memories!

      And I love “that ‘normal’ is a setting on a washing machine!” It’s funny because I set to normal cycle but then I change the pre-sets! (Wonder what that means… LOL!)

      HUGS!

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      1. HighOnHugs says:

        Oh my goodness! That is too funny!! And yes, THESE ARE the GOOD ole days!

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