Last night, we had our annual Cookies and Lights Christmas party, this is the one time a year that I get to see many people that I normally do not! And we live on a street that goes all out with the Christmas lights almost to the point that every year we all try to outdo each other. Originally the idea was to have bunch of our sober friends over and stuff ourselves with cookies and coffee! But as we have gotten to know more people outside of our sober bubble, we started inviting others too! Our invitations say: “Come see the extravagant lights and stop by our house for cookies, coffee and hot cacao!” In my mind, it is pretty clear that there will be no alcohol, nevertheless, there is always that one person that bring some over!
Last year we actually got two bottles of wine and after everyone was gone, I tried to figure out what do with them, in fear that if they hung around the house too long, they might be a huge trigger! And just putting them in the trashcan didn’t seem like enough; they needed to be GONE. I know, this is bit over the top, you’re thinking? Maybe… but even though I have a good amount of sobriety under my belt, I still don’t trust myself. Strange? Maybe… But I work too hard for my sobriety and I know that the wolfie is always there, it lurks and waits, for that one instance, I know it does!
So last year, we didn’t know what do to with the wine and hid it under the sink, and felt uneasy all night, like we had a time bomb in our house that could explode at any anytime! We finally ended up giving the bottles to my ex who just happened to be the first person we saw the next day (he was picking up our daughter).
So this year a bottle of wine sat on the kitchen counter for a bit as I didn’t know that it was there till someone pointed it out to me; I immediately put it in the cupboard. Then, in fear of having the time bomb in our house again, I gave the wine back to the person who brought it (our neighbor). As he was getting ready to leave, I handed him the bottle, thanking him profusely of course, for such a nice gift but stating, “Maybe this is a bit odd, but we don’t drink. Would you like to take the wine with you?” He looked a bit puzzled, so I assured him that I appreciated the gesture. He said thank you and that next time he will bring some fancy coffee! I told him that would be great, we love coffee!
Today I am just sitting here thinking, was all that necessary? Was that the right thing to do? What else could I have done? And of course my people pleasing side has been wondering if I hurt his feelings. Do I really need to state that it’s an alcohol free party? Because you know, this will happen again I am sure!
So anyway, here are few things that I have come up with: I still don’t want any alcohol in my house – I want my house to be safe. I want my house to be safe for other people in recovery, I want them to feel comfortable that there will not be any alcoholic or other temptations here – well, the cookies and sweets? – can’t promise that one! LOL!
I know everyone has different feeling on this subject, some people are OK with booze in their house, they are OK with cooking with wine, they maybe even OK working at a bar… although that one I just don’t get, seems like a torture! (To me it seems a bit like being on a diet; I would not be sitting in a Dunkin’ Donuts while I am trying to eat a salad!)
But really, I am wondering, when it comes to your own guests, what would/do you do?
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