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We Need Each Other Sober

I have to admit that I still have a hard time asking for help, but I do it anyway. Why? I have to! I have to in order to stay sober!

I always though that I could do anything by myself, after all I am a fixer, a doer, a problem solver, but with quitting drinking… it was totally different! I didn’t know where to start or what to expect. I was scared. At the same time my denial ran deep, and shame and guilt were constantly asserting themselves. It was really hard to tell anyone what I was going through. But when I finally decided that I was going to get sober, it just didn’t matter, I was willing to do whatever it took.

Many of us do not ask for help because of  the shame and guilt associated with addiction/alcoholism. By asking for help we are in many ways admitting that we cannot stop on our own. We may feel like failures for not being able to control our own drinking. We may feel judged and stereotyped. We may think that we are completely alone.

Reasons we don’t ask for help:

  • Fear of seeming weak or incapable
  • Fear of being misunderstood
  • Fear of being a burden
  • Fear of being ridiculed.
  • Fear of being rejected.
  • Fear of ____________

We also may think that sobriety is an easy task, just stop drinking and things will fall into place. We like being in control of the situation as much as possible, we may even have a plan of sorts. We get ready to conquer our drinking problem and get rid of it once and for all! But often as our bodies and mind is trying to return to normalcy, we get overwhelmed, and flooded with emotions that we do not know how to deal with. We start feeling unsure and unstable about our new found condition. Frequently, this becomes so difficult that we just turn back to drinking!

Unfortunately just putting down the drink is not enough. We find that beyond getting over the hangover days and trying to find a stable ground on which we can finally thrive, there is a whole lot more to getting sober. Dealing with the past may turn out to be a huge task and looking towards the future may seem bleak. Going through this unknown journey alone is hard, we need others like us to help guide us through it.

Today, I cannot stress enough how important it is to have support when you are trying to stay sober. It is a proven fact that those with any kind of support, whether it is a 12 step program, an online community or a friend or relative, you have a better chance attaining sobriety and continuing it long term.

Important things to remember about recovery are:

  • First, recovery is something worked towards.
  • Second, the journey of recovery is individual in nature but,
  • Third, it is much easier with like people to support us.

By getting involved and finding a support circle, we can hear/read about other people’s stories and decide if there are any connections between their stories and ours. We can overcome some of our own denial about our drinking. We can see that addiction/alcoholism can affect anybody – good people, with good jobs and good families can have an addiction. We may know all this intellectually, but also we need to see it and believe it. We tend to think that we are different and this is only happening to us. However when it comes to addiction it is comforting to know that we are not alone and that there is a huge community of sober and recovering people just like us.


So here is the secret! You have a CHOICE! And it is all yours! You can choose to be stressed, overwhelmed, and alone, or you can choose to ask, reach out or share and connect. So I urge you to connect! To voice your story, your struggles and triumphs. Chances are that someone out there is going through exactly the same thing as you, and can also relate and offer you support. In return, you can help them out too and make a friend for life!

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with alcohol addiction, please click the Find Support link for an extensive list of support groups. Also please check out the links to many useful resources in the sidebar, and always feel free to contact me anytime at

You may also find some great inspiration and support from all the awesome sober bloggers listed in the side bar under POSTS I LIKE and RECOVERY BLOGGERS, as well as Sober Courage page on Facebook and Sober Courage on Twitter.



  1. So very true Maggie!! I actually started the process of a similar blog post today! HA! Birds of a feather DO stick together. And for this ‘bird’ I need a FLOCK. A flock of others to help me soar! I tried many times & many ways to get and stay sober/clean my way. My way wasn’t working. Fortunately I found 2 different 12Step fellowships where I found a whole bunch of birds just like me who had a solution and it was working!

    Hooray, THIS cuckoo bird is sober and getting better all the time. It is the best to know I’m not ‘pulling a Clairey’ and that others have trudged before me in the same shoes and on the same path. I am NEVER ALONE these days.

    I’ve found it’s helpful that I have lived here most of my adult life and in my active addiction as well. Most folks are VERY happy & super supportive of my recovery. It is awesome to be held accountable. Not to mention the great state of Wyoming & the surrounding states are probably pretty happy about my recovery. LOL, joking, sort-of ;0)

    Anyhow, that was a ramble on comment but my point is maintaining my recovery and growing and learning with my flock of odd birds is super-diddly-ooper!

    I’m no longer a cuckoo bird today, well, sometimes I can be. Today I’m more of a silly goose! Tomorrow maybe a trumpeter swan!

    Thanks for reminding me how lucky & filled with Grace I am today & for all I have because of recovery & all my recovery ‘peeps’.

    Until next time, I’m getting the ‘flock’ to bed! (Lol, sorry, I couldn’t resist)


    • Hi Clairey! I love your comment! We are a flock aren’t we!? Last week was a bit tough for me. Nothing mayor just enough to have my head all over the place. I kept trudging till mid week it just was not working and I couldn’t sleep and I felt like crap. So I started calling and texting and as usual the flock was there to help! In the end I made it thru, got some laughs, bonded with few people and was able to give some support back. It was really fulfilling. And again I am so grateful for everyone!


  2. This is good stuff.
    Learning to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to seek support, to accept caring advice was, for me, quite a process (it still is) in getting sober. Without having made that choice to learn my sobriety wouldn’t be what it is rather it would be closer to white-knucklin’ or worse.
    Thank you for sharing this!


    • Hi Glenn! That is so true, I hate white-knuckling it! And I think I hate it soooo much that it actually forces me to ask for help. I know that talking to someone will help me and I am also no longer willing to suffer alone. And I know that inadvertently I may help the other person too! I can’t tell you how many times someone has talked to me about their troubles and it helped me. That’s the coolest part, it is a two way street. 🙂


  3. I can so relate to having trouble asking for help. I used to think all those things but the truth is fear was my biggest reason. I was scared to ask someone to help me. After all I am supposed to know stuff. Thinking that I was smart and better than in the beginning kept me sick and suffering in silence. I am grateful that I was finally able to surrender to those thoughts and humble myself and ask for help. It was the best thing I ever did. I have grown so much as a result. Thank you Maggie for sharing this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha ha same here. I should know everything right! Because of I don’t then I am dumb? But how would I learn if I don’t ask for help? Kinda crazy. I can’t afford not to ask for help, if I don’t it will lead me right back. And I am not going back!
      Thanks for the great comment Eric! Sending hugs.


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