I do not get sick often. Actually I always brag about how I do not get sick. LOL! That’s because when I was drinking I was never sick, just drunk. And if I felt sick, I just had a few drinks and I was cured, or at least I no longer felt any pain that my sickness was causing. So, the only time I felt sick was when I was hungover. And of course there was a cure for that too, yep you guessed it, just a few more drinks.
In sobriety, I found that I don’t have the patience for being sick at all, I just want to get better and right now! I usually take some over the counter meds and go on with my day. There is no stopping for being sick.
But this time was different. I think I literally ran myself into the ground. It got so horrible, that it reminded me of the way I felt when I was detoxing from my last drunk. I was nauseous, shaky, hot and cold, stuffed up, and had a pounding headache. I literally couldn’t function.
The first day I was sick, I went to Target and found myself buying any and all the medicine that I thought might be helpful – because I am problem solver and this is a problem and medicine is the solution. So I stood in front of the cold aisle and had a conversation with myself on how I could get NyQuil with the 10% alcohol and secretly take it, with the hope that all my aches would instantaneously go away, because you know, alcohol takes all the pain away. But I shook that feeling off and I didn’t get it. So instead, not really knowing what sickness I had, I bought allergy medicine, cold medicine, flu medicine, and a case of Gatorade! I was sure that something in that mix was bound to work. When I got home, thinking first that I had severe allergies, I took some allergy medicine. But after a few hours I wasn’t feeling any better and in my mind I really, just wanted to take everything at once, and just knock myself out. I didn’t want to feel anything anymore. This seemed so very familiar – it actually scared me.
Then I called my doctor but unfortunately the doctor’s office was closed for Easter holiday weekend. After few more hours with no relief, I took some cold medicine. Then, when that didn’t help, I just continued to take the over the counter medicine, throughout the day, all in hopes that some combination of it would finally give me some relief. But I still felt horrible! I actually though at one point that well, I know that I am not hungover now, maybe I wasn’t hungover that last time I drank either, maybe I was just sick. That would mean that all the times I thought that I was hungover, I was just sick! That might means that I was not an alcoholic after all! What!? I’ve gone nuts! UGH. Crazy mind…
By Sunday morning I felt even worse, and started thinking that I had some mayor disease, or a tumor! In a panic, I got in the car and drove straight to the 24h Urgent Care clinic. After being examined for about 10 minutes, the doctor informed me that I had a severe viral infection, aka – the common cold! A cold!? What? That can’t be! Just a cold?! Sheesh!
The prescription was some caught syrup, nasal decongestant, Mucinex and rest.
I don’t do rest. I don’t think I have rested at all in the last six years. I don’t know how to rest. There are too many things to do – 3 kids, a full time job, lots of house work, and blogging, and recovery, and… it’s been none stop. Rest… I just don’t do.
I came home and took all the prescribed meds and sat on the couch hoping that magically I would feel better in a matter of minutes. As you can imagine… that didn’t happen. Oh what to do with myself!? I am sure that most people must know how to rest. But me? I have no clue. What do you do when you rest? Seriously!? I had to Google it! LOL!
I tried to rest but I was still restless.
Then I had that moment… that moment when you come to terms with your situation. That moment when you finally see what you have been doing, and why it was not working, and what you really need to do. I finally had the moment of clarity.
I am sick. I need to rest. That’s it. That’s all.
Here it was! Acceptance, letting it go, turning it over, whatever you call it, comes in so many forms! And I surely needed it right then! Because it just was not happening fast enough for me. But once I found that place of acceptance I was able to move toward the solution. And even being sick, I needed to let go of wanting to be better right away and accept the fact that I am sick and I just need to rest.
How do you deal with being sick in recovery?
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