Sober Moms: Go Ahead and Scream, I Can Handle it!

I have noticed lately that my kids are all moving forward to the next stages of their lives.
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There seems to be a huge shift in everyone’s behavior that has me  sort of baffled! My cute, little girl has officially entered the early puberty stage, and the raging hormones stage, and the sassy tween stage. My middle boy is getting ready to start kindergarten in the fall and has consistently pushed his independence upon us, as well as doing many new things that he believes only big boys do. And my youngest is in the midst of the terrible twos and quite often throws a tantrum just because! These are absolutely wonderful milestones, filled with many new and exciting learning opportunities.

And while it is so amazing to see my kids growing into their new stages, I often feel like am going completely nuts trying to manage everyone’s needs, wants and behaviors. There should be more of mes, there is too many of them! I get really overwhelmed, and I really just want to SCREAM.

There is also a constant chaos in our house! It sort of feels like we are on a boat which has a bunch of holes in its bottom, and I am just frantically running around trying to plug them so we don’t sink. But as we get one of the holes plugged, another hole appears! To add to this craziness, the weather on the great sea that our boat is on, appears to be constantly changing too. In a matter of few hours, it might have been sunny, then it rained, then sunny again, then a huge thunderstorm, than sun again.

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As the day progresses the weather gets worse and worse, and there are more and more holes in the boat, and we are running around even more frantically! I’ve been trying to stay calm and just keep plugging the holes, but I can’t keep up, and then I am at my breaking point and I really just want to SCREAM.

Until 9pm when the kids go to bed and we plop ourselves on the couch and wonder what the hell…. and how the hell did we manage to get through that – oh thank goodness this is over! We have made it another day! Woot woot!

OMG. I really, really, need a break. Like now! But there is no break. I really just want to check out; somehow, somewhere, just be. But I can’t. What happened to those carefree days, with no worries in the world, no responsibilities, no screaming kids, no constant laundry, no worrying to feed anyone, no…

Carson
Mohawk and a scar! Kinda go together 🙂

When I get in that space I start imaging how relaxing it would be to sip on a glass of wine, somewhere on an island, while literally devouring all the quiet around me. I can almost taste and smell it. I can almost feel the wine flowing through my body as its warmth fills me up… then the movie skips, and the real one fades in – me flat on the kitchen floor with several boxes of wine surrounding me. Or me waking up on a side of the road, still in my car at 7 am, or me sitting in the drunk tank at the county’s adult corrections center. Hmmm. Not carefree at all.

So tonight I park the van as I get home from work, and open the door to a house that is already in turmoil, the holes are all leaking, it’s a hurricane, the boat is sinking. I brace myself for the worse as I keep asking what is going on. There in the kitchen is my 5-year-old boy screaming as he holds a paper towel filled with blood, and as more blood is just streaking down his face. I just really want to SCREAM!

But something in my kicks in. Some strange calmness comes over my body as I try to comfort my son and give directions to others. Within a few minute he is in the car and off to the Emergency Room who his dad. I walk back into the house and comfort the other kids. We quietly eat dinner together, then get ready for bedtime. Then, we sit on the couch, and enjoy some TV. A text finally comes in the boy is going to be ok!

And all of the sudden I am flooded with emotions, he is going to be ok! Woot woot! I am sooo relieved, and thankful, and grateful and joyous! AND I am so f**ken glad that I am sober, I just want to SCREAM!


For more great stories and other Sober Moms posts, please click Sober Moms Posts link at the top of this page. You may also find some great inspiration and support from the Sober Mommies site as well as all the awesome sober bloggers listed in the side bar under POSTS I LIKE and RECOVERY BLOGGERS.

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. freebreezi says:

    Whoa, Sober mum. totally know where you are coming from and good on you for doing it sober. Kids are tough, my babies are all big and independent now but I still worry. Did I do a good job as a mum, could I have done better? OMG I wish I’d been a better mum. I wish I had drunk less. I have at one time buried my face in a pillow and SCREAMED! Felt good…………………..till the next thing came along. It’s funny, now they are gone and I’m loving my space but sometimes I just wish they were around a bit more. Good Post.

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    1. Hi, thank you for this great comment. I do think about the time that I will miss all this craziness! I know I will. And however unmanageable it seems I know it is ok and in a few months or so we will be in a new stage too. Keeps it interesting doesn’t it. But being sober sometimes seems like it makes it all harder till someone busts their head and then I am so thankful that I am sober! Lol! And yes sometimes I yell and I does feel good!

      Thanks for stopping by. Hugs.

      Like

  2. Chris says:

    Well, I’m a work/stay-at-home-dad/dude to a 4 y.o. girl but I am absolutely certain I could not have done it if I wasn’t sober. Great post. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Awesome! Must still be a challenge juggling it all huh? But yes, I can’t even imagine how I would manage. I was not a controlled drinker at all. After my daughter was born I tried to stay sober for a while I just couldn’t do it at all. My ex had to take care of her. I am grateful to be sober now, but sometimes I forget why this is the softer easier, way. This was a good reminder.

      Thanks. Have a great day! Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  3. mallards4us says:

    Yes! I know exactly what you mean! Mine are teenagers, but raising them alone, and it is SO emotionally and physically draining sometimes! I would drink wine at night to give myself the reward, the ‘friend’, the energy I thought I needed to make it through the evening. Now learning to do it all without and making some wonderful discoveries. You go mom!!!

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    1. Thank you! It’s really interesting that what I thought was helping me cope actually made things way worse! But by taking the alcohol out of the equation which also got rid of all the planning and buying and hiding, I have much less stress really. Nevertheless it can be overwhelming. But it’s sill manageable and I am sure glad that I am not adding more stress to it all! If I was still drinking I wouldn’t be able to be calm for sure. I would probably be a screaming mess! Lol!
      Thanks for stopping by. Hugs.

      Like

  4. Ha! Ooh, I so relate to this. Particularly today, as it happens, though thankfully no emergency room for us! Some days I wonder how I get through without screaming and some days I do just scream. Sometimes the screaming is just inside my own head. And through all of it, I’d still rather be a sober mum – the difficult bits are easier to manage and the good bits are just so much better. Hope your little one all better soon. xxx

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    1. Oh I scream on my head too! Lol! Sometimes it actually comes out and the kids all stop and are like, we’ll she has finally lost her marbles! Lol! I also try to take some mini breaks in the bathroom and do some breathing. Or go out on the deck. Just something to regroup.
      The boys is ok, he is proudly wear in his scar!

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  5. If I was on an island alone, I wouldn’t need the wine. Your dream is a great example of how it’s not actually the wine we crave, it’s the thing around the wine.

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    1. Oh, you got me thinking about that one! I think for me, if I was on an island alone with wine, I would drink it all! For me it didn’t matter what was going on, good or bad, I drank. Sure, I used the bad to drink more, but I got drunk every day anyway.

      Great comment. Thank you! Hugs.

      Like

  6. Oh Maggie, what a day! There is no escape from the wild ride sometimes and it’s a wonderful feeling to know that no amount of wine is going to make anything better. My son started kindergarten today! He also has a scar on his forehead in the same place from when he got stitches at 18 months old. Maybe I can talk him into a mohawk too! 🙂

    Like

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