As so many people around the world, I am also trying to process the sudden death of the amazingly talented Robin Williams. It is so absolutely heartbreaking, and confusing, and so very hard to believe, that on that day he had decided to end his life.
I don’t have the words to describe the way I feel. I am not even sure I know how I feel. I’ve gone through utter sadness, to laughter, to rage, and all back around again. And all of this, swirling inside of me and all while I am just going about my day at work and at home.
I have lost two friends to suicide this year, both also suffering from depression and addiction/alcoholism. I also know that countless others will continue dying each day from suicide and this disease.
All this has made me question my own mortality and ability to stay sober, and if I need to be doing more, or maybe I am just doomed no matter what. I don’t know. In the end it seems no matter how much we know, and have learned, and work on getting better, in the end it’s all up to the individual, I think. At least from my experience, I have learned that no amount of support, love or money, can help someone stay clean and sober. In the end THEY have to be diligent enough to keep the fight going.
Although I didn’t know Robin any more than most of us, I held him dear to my heart as an example of one of the most successful people in long-term recovery. After all, Williams had been sober for 20 years! But then, he started drinking again. He decided to seek help in August, his publicist said. Williams said that falling back into alcohol abuse was “very gradual.” — This of course happens all the time to people in recovery, and it can happen to any of us, and at any time.
Robin often spoke about his addiction/alcoholism, sometimes he was quite serious and sometimes very funny. Here are some quotes that I have pulled out from the GMA interview back in 2006, as well as a hilarious skit on drugs and alcohol from the late 80’s — of course all of this, for certain, I can definitely relate to!
Robin Williams Comes Clean on GMA – ABC News
“It’s the same voice thought that … you’re standing at a precipice and you look down, there’s a voice and it’s a little quiet voice that goes, Jump!”
“The same voice that goes, ‘Just one.’ … And the idea of just one for someone who has no tolerance for it, that’s not the possibility.”
“It’s [addiction] — not caused by anything, it’s just there,” Williams said. “It waits. It lays in wait for the time when you think, ‘It’s fine now, I’m OK.’ Then, the next thing you know, it’s not OK. Then you realize, ‘Where am I? I didn’t realize I was in Cleveland.'”
“You think people don’t notice. Then you find out later, ‘We knew. … You went outside naked.’ No, I didn’t. But even the dog was like, ‘What’s wrong, boy?’ Humiliation gives you humility.”
“It’s hard admitting it, then once you’ve done that, it’s real easy,” Williams told Sawyer.
“But you can’t. That’s the bottom line,” he said. “You really think you can, then you regalize, I need help, and that’s the word.”
Robin Williams – Live At The Met – Alcohol/Marijuana
I am going to end here with this awesome quite from Rob Daley’s blog post which he wrote after the death of his friend Cory Monteith.
Let’s all of us go over our battle plans the five-hundredth time! Keep moving forward my friends, keep fighting!
“So when someone ODs or kills themselves or crashes a car and dies due to their alcohol/drug use, I don’t say “C’est la vie…,” I say “Fuck that shit,” and I circle the wagons with my other survivor friends and we go over the battle plans a FIVE-HUNDREDTH time, figure out where our dead friend that we love and mourn deviated, and we prepare to greet the coming day in a manner that will give something other than our addictions a fair shot at killing us.”
You can read the entire post at Rob Delaney‘s tumbler page.
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