Sober Moms: From Despair to Motherhood

Eleven years ago, today, I gave birth to a beautiful, little girl! I remember that day just like it was yesterday, as any first time mom does! I was filled with mixed emotions of excitement and anticipation. And fear. But I was full of hope! Yet, I had no idea that my life would change so dramatically after that day. It is a true miracle that I am still a part of my daughter’s life!

Back then, I was single and living with my daughter’s father, basically out of convenience, because he actually wanted to be a part of his child’s life, which was promising. Nevertheless, it was an uncertain time, and my future looked bleak since we didn’t really get along. I quit drinking and smoking on the day I found out that I was pregnant, and I stayed sober and smoke free during my entire pregnancy. To this day I don’t understand how that was even possible because I drank at least two bottles of wine a night and smoked a pack a day. By his time, I’ve already gone to detox several times and had several legal consequences. I couldn’t keep a job and I had no life outside of drinking. Yet I quit, cold turkey. So… maybe I was not an alcoholic after all!?

But motherhood was quite overwhelming! As a first time mom, and without any help from others, I was exhausted, depressed and lonely. Taking care of a baby was a huge amount of work that I did not expect, nor did I know how to manage. Eventually I decided that I could drink again. I told myself that since I was not an alcoholic, it would be different, I was going to manage it. I started out just drinking occasionally to help with the exhaustion, and depression. With a little alcohol in my system I felt energized, and more capable, and even a more fun mom! But within only about a month of moderating, I was starting to drink every day.

And there were many failed attempts at sobriety.

I truly believed that I was incapable of ever getting sober. I thought that life was horribly unfair and I had lost all hope. I was doomed. There was no way out. This was now my life forever.

Finlay… one morning in April, after a weekend in a blackout, I reached my personal bottom. I was in so much pain and despair. That day I surrendered. Alcohol was no longer working in my life, and there was no reason left for it. I did not want to live this way anymore! It was time to make a change and get sober.

Little by little my broken life was coming back together.  I also remained sober despite all the circumstances, and tough times during the dragged out custody battle. And I stayed close and connected to my support network and continued to work to resolve the many issues that I have kept bottled up for many, many years.

Today I am overwhelmed with emotions. It’s been quite a journey! If you have told me then that this is the life that I would be living today, I would have said that you were absolutely crazy!! It’s hard to believe that I have now been sober more than a half of my daughter’s life, and that I get to see her every single day. I seriously have to pinch myself sometimes  just to make sure that this is real. Sobriety is a true gift!

For other Sober Moms posts click HERE.


For more great stories and other Sober Moms posts, please click Sober Moms Posts link at the top of this page. You may also find some great inspiration and support from the bloggers listed in the side bar under POSTS I LIKE and RECOVERY BLOGGERS. Also feel free to e-mail me anytime at sobercourage@gmail.com, or visit me at  Sober Courage page on Facebook and Sober Courage on Twitter.

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. mishedup says:

    wow, maggie..

    she is gorgeous and I am so happy for you.
    so, so, SO glad to be on this path with you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww. Thank you so much. That’s so sweet. Me too! So glad to have all the sober ladies alone the journey. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. abbiegrrl says:

      Nicely written. Sorry you had to miss that part of your daughters’ life, but there’s no denying how much she means to you. At least, as another mom in recovery, I know that’s what your determination and perseverance say to me. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful post, and beautiful Mother and daughter! Happy birthday to her, she is so lucky to have you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Josie. That is very kind. It feels good to be able to be present for her! A real gift! Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You have worked so hard and deserve every good thing that comes your way. You are an inspiration. XO

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! And thank you for being such inspiration to me and so many others! Hugs!

      Like

  4. rhodysober says:

    You have so much to be proud of!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Reblogged this on Sober Mommies and commented:
    ❤️ this woman, ❤️ this post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! ❤ you too! Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. momma bee says:

    wow, what an incredible story Maggie~ i believe that we are meant to take the roads we travel to get where we are~ your story is inspiring and will help many who are suffering~ thanks for sharing! xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Reblogged this on Sober Courage and commented:

    My daughter just turned 12 years old and I cannot help but feel absolutely filled with gratitude. You see, there was a time that I thought I would never be able to be her mom, or see her growing into this amazing young person that she has become.
    When I was newly sober, no one told me how exactly my life was going to change, so the future seemed absolutely terrifying! I actually thought that most things would not change, that I would always be the temporary parent, that my ex would always have full custody and that my daughter would be growing up without a mom.
    All of that has changed now!

    From the Sober Courage vault, here is last year’s post about my journey to motherhood:
    Sober Moms: From Despair to Motherhood

    Liked by 1 person

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