I though of writing something about how I felt today on this Mother’s Day, but honestly, I had a hard time finding the words. There has been many emotions whirling around in my heart, everything from sadness to anger, with a big dash of self-pity. I miss my moms, both my biological mom who lost her battle with alcoholism when I was little, and my step mom, who was my mom most of my life till she passed away 3 years ago.
My daughter and I went to the memory garden today to visit my step mom. It was a beautiful day and many people were there. I did not feel so alone. I felt at peace.
Grief comes and goes. On this day, every year it comes up to the surface with a vengeance. Some years in the past seemed easier. This year however seemed more difficult.
Yet, at times I felt an overwhelming gratitude, that I had a wonderful step mom and that I am sober, and that I am able to be a mom to my kids, and that I am still here to hold them and love them. It’s a true gift.
Nevertheless, today I missed having a mommy.
Then I found this beautiful article which was very comforting to me. It gave me the permission to feel anyway I wanted or needed.
If you’re struggling today too, I hope you also find some comfort in this article. Sending many hugs.
Today is Mother’s Day.
For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and brunches and hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing.
But for some it just means tears.
For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.
This day might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.
It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been horribly severed.
It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.
Consider this a love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.
This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart…
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