It’s Time to Open My Parachute 

I know, it has been quiet over here at the Sober Courage blog. I have never missed a week of posts, or two or even three. But I had to step back and regroup.

SoberCourage_8763

I wanted to write about what has been going on, but I was stuck and unable to find the right words.

I have been stuck in the pain and the shame of failure.

But the only failure for me right now is to continue to be where I am. That would be giving up on myself and my life, and I refuse to do that!

Sometimes the best time to make decisions and find answers is in the quiet of your own thoughts, digging deep down in the core of your soul – they are always there. They have always been there but I had often ignored them.

I ignored that quiet voice that whispered softly and told me which way to go.

**

Before I got sober, I did not know that I had a parachute. I did not understand that I could change the course of my life at any time and for any reason at all. I did not feel that I had that power; I always felt that life was just kinda caring me… and I was just destined to float along no matter what was happening.

I was so, so wrong. I have a parachute. We all have a parachute.

We were not created to fail, or to destruct, or to disappear. We are meant to survive and flourish and live, we just have to open the parachute!

**

I recently had a moment of clarity  – you know, that unexpected, deep clarity of some truth that has been impossible for me to see. Yeah, it was clear, it was so super clear –  it was as clear as that moment when I woke up on the kitchen floor after a 3 day blackout and for the first time I was 100% sure that I was an alcoholic.

Yep. I had that moment again.

SoberCourage_8764

And just like back the with that realization, I felt a sense of surrender, and peace – something that is tough to explain. I felt lite and relieved. I felt an absolute stillness internally; I was not angry, I was not sad, and I was no longer afraid. It did not matter. Whatever was on the other side, I knew that was much better than what was right here in front of me.

I had that same feeling again – a complete, and very distinct clarity and I acted on it at that exact moment.

It’s now been a month since I filed for separation/divorce. It was an extremely difficult decision. I prayed every night for a sign from my Higher Power to let me know that this was the right choice for me and my family. And a week ago I got it… I found out that my husband had already moved on.

My quiet voice that whispered softly and told me which way to go… was completely correct.

So here I am. I never though that I would ever be in this place, and I am sure that no one ever does, but I guess this is life on life’s terms! And just like when I was getting sober, I am flooded with a whole bunch of crazy feelings that I can’t even describe. But recovery has taught me that I am worth way, much more than this. I no longer live in that dark place or partake in the notion that I am just less than everyone else in the entire world.

I survived addiction, I will survive this!

**

Yesterday, I saw this from the amazing Glennon Doyle Melton, and found my strength!

Here’s the truth I’ve learned: you are not supposed to be happy all the time.

Life hurts and it’s hard.

Not because you’re doing it wrong, because it hurts for everybody.

Don’t avoid the pain. Don’t numb it, don’t run from it.

Pain is not a hot potato. Pain is traveling professor.

All the wisdom and courage you need to become the person you are meant to be is inside your pain.

Be still with it, let the pain come, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you’ll burn to get your work done on this earth.

Glennon Doyle Melton will be one of the guest speakers at the She Recovers NYC EVENT.
For more information please click HERE.


If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with alcohol addiction, please click the Find Support link for an extensive list of support groups. Also please check out the links to many useful resources in the sidebar, and always feel free to contact me anytime at sobercourage@gmail.com.

You may also find some great inspiration and support from all the awesome sober bloggers listed in the side bar under POSTS I LIKE and RECOVERY BLOGGERS, as well as Sober Courage page on Facebook and Sober Courage on Twitter.

Advertisements

19 Comments Add yours

  1. robertlfs says:

    I have been traveling this recovery road for several decades now. Here is one of the best things I have learned. There is no way from where I am today that I could have predicted five years ago that I would be where I am at, spiritually, emotionally, or physically – and it is always good and always for the better. If I look back on any five year period over the past three decades, I come up with the same thing. So, at the ripe old age of 64, if I think about the future, I have to be optimistic and excited – if I stay in recovery. That is a true blast.

    I vividly recall walking into a recovery unit and all I wanted was to be told how I could stop the screaming in my head and body. But I have gotten so much more. In 1984, I was thrown out of my house, in a very dysfunctional relationship, about to be fired from a job that I hated, etc. etc. Coincidentally, today, I officially retired from my job in higher education. That road in between included many years of school, two marriages, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

    As you note, the path is not easy or pain free. But the really cool thing of recovery is that we learn that this too shall pass, and that the recovery road leads to a greater understanding of true self.

    I enjoy your blog as it helps me immensely. I look forward to hearing more as you move forward in your life.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much Robert. Your comment is very inspiring. To hear you go thru life and all the ups and downs and continue doing so sober is very encouraging. I sure hate the pain but I am learning that it is part of life and I am willing to get thru it. Sending big hugs.

      Like

  2. Dear Maggie,
    I am very sorry to hear how difficult life is / has been for you. But, if I may say ‘but’ here: I am delighted by the most beautiful spiritual experience which you describe. So beautiful. ❤ Thank you.
    Sending love and hugs,
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. It has been a spiritual experience for sure. And thank you for pointing that out because I just get wrapped up in the bad and the pain, and I forget the actual growth and the beauty of the spiritual experience.

      Hope you’re doing well. Sending big hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Doing well-ish here. Receiving the hugs gladly and returning hugs too!
        You keep on doing what a woman who loves herself does.
        xx, Feeling

        Liked by 1 person

  3. mishedup says:

    sending you love and strength maggie…
    that moment of clarity hits like a bomb sometimes, but the other side is always better.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Mishedup! Yes. The clarity is amazing. And I know I am on the right path even though I don’t quite like it right now.
      Hope all is well with you. Sending big hugs!

      Like

  4. jesstme123 says:

    Thank you for reminding me of the strength we have to overcome. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes. I totally be live that we are much stronger than we believe and it’s comforting to know that others have walked this path before me and made it to the other side.
      Thank you. Sending big hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey Magz! I’ve been quiet too. But I love that notion of not having a parachute. It’s a great description of how reckless I felt. I just didn’t give a shit.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha. True. I think I was careless too, when I was drinking. In recovery I try to do whatever I can to make it. It’s been hard at times, but a true miracle that I am not just being careless. Though, some old behaviors creep in like isolation. But I try not to stay there too long.

      Thanks for stopping by. Sending big hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Lisa Neumann says:

    ♥♥♥ You. Me

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi there, I just read this post and oh boy, I can’t wait to read the rest of your blog. I think you’re going to be right up my alley 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Glad to hear that you liked it! Sending big hugs.

      Like

Share your Sober Courage here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s