I do not usually get angry and rant, but this has really affected me, and I feel that anonymity is a very important topic and I need to speak out.
As many of you may know by now, I am going through a nasty divorce, well, I am really at the beginning of it all but it has already become nasty. We have been separated for five months and it has been a horribly difficult transition for all of us, and a totally devastating blow right in the gut for me. Yet, I can already see that it has been the best decision I have ever made, and I only wish I would have made it sooner.
Nevertheless, the family is split, people have taken clear and definite sides, and I am truly finding out who my real friends are. Not to mention the fact that my soon-to-be-ex-husband is also in the program and we have many mutual friends, and it appears that the fellowship has also taken sides. YEP. Never would I have thought this would happen or be possible, but it did and so much so that people are completely disregarding mine or even his anonymity.
AND I AM ANGRY!!!
Meetings are supposed to be safe places for us – I depend on that! I depend on the fact that what I say here is supposed to stay here. That is why anonymity continues to be so important within the rooms!
Yet people have taken it up onto themselves to relay what I share in meetings to my ex-husband. And guess what – you have put me in a super dangerous situation because now my abuser has more fuel to abuse me with. Yep. That is how I know it is happening. Because not enough that he tells me what the person said, but he also makes sure that he includes their name just so I know who is backstabbing me, and then he uses the information to threaten and badger me for days, and frankly I have enough on my plate!
But really beyond my issue, because I have already confronted that person – how does it feel to put someone down who has come in to share their struggles so they can remain sober and keep trudging on this path, and you decide to take that upon yourself and distribute this information so callously? How would you feel if that happened to YOU!
And what about the new comers? DO you remember how hard it was to set your foot in the door? To not feel like everyone was staring at you? To be so scared that you wanted to run out half way through?
It is so very sad that someone would do this.
Though I realize that we are all human, and we all certainly make mistakes. But this was absolutely inhumane and I am really having a hard time wrapping my head around it.
How do I feel safe again? How do I trust again? Where do I go for help? Do I have to go to another town for meetings now?
And if our secrets will take us out – how do I then share them safely???
I must stay sober and have a safe place to go for help!
I wish I could say that this was the firs time. I wish I could tell you that people did not share with me what my ex-husband said in meetings either. But they do. I wish I could tell you that these persons meant no harm. But I cannot say any of that, and that is why I am writing about this.
Please, I beg of you, keep anonymity strong and always when in meetings, because you never know really what a person may be going through and how it will affect them when you share this often so sensitive information with people who are unsafe!
“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”
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