As I have seen all over the social media, 2016 was not the best year for many of us! It definitely was a challenging year for me – but even though it started on the wrong foot, and it crashed horribly in the middle, it actually ended up on the right foot.
You see, just like with the decision to get sober, I had to take a chance into the unknown once again. I had to find some hope, even if the smallest little inkling of it, that my decision was going to somehow improve my life.
There is no doubt that this has been a confusing and difficult time for me, but I am starting to see that this could also be a potentially exciting time. I am at the threshold of a new life, and I am the one who gets to choose what I will do next. Even despite the stress and the fear I am feeling about this life change, there is also the potential for me to make a fresh start in many areas of my life – because despite it all I have learned many important lessons!
And when I really think about it, I am actually in a really good place in my life and I feel a huge sense of freedom to finally be me. Yep, just me.
My life is also pretty set – I am no longer trying to clean up or organize my heap, and I am finally OK with it as is. I am not looking to build a career, I am not looking to get married, or have any more kids. I am financially stable – I think – well, I am not eating Ramen noodles so that’s a good sign. Hehe! I am also not trying to become someone, or something other than a better person than I was yesterday. So well… it feel like I can just live! Yep, just live – which used to scare the shit out of me, as I ran around, trying to figure out how to actually live! But now I am super excited about it!
It seems very simple yet strangely fulfilling.
The best part of all of that is that I am also learning how to stay in the now. With the help of The Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle, I am retraining my thinking to focus on the current time only. I have heard the saying one day at a time for many, many years but it has never meant so much to me as at this time, because I can really see that NOW is the most important, and all we ever have.
This amazing book is teaching me how to really be present for life, and reminds me that yesterday does not matter and tomorrow is not here yet. If I am not in the NOW then I am in the past or the future, and missing the now that is right in front of me. And if I do not stay with what is right in front of me, then I am missing it all.
And all that leaves me with this awesome quote:
If it comes, I would find a way to see it as a blessing.
If it does not, I would find a way to see it as a blessing.
If it leaves, I would find a way to see it as a blessing.
(Not surprisingly, I am still finding out how much my decision to quit drinking has been a blessing!)
So, please, when you think you do not have any more strength to keep going, dig deeper.
Find your voice. Move forward. Change what hurts you. Find what heals you.
Stand up for yourself and live. You will be amazed at what you never knew was inside of you. It is there. Trust me.
It is all there, you just need to let it shine.
Dedicated to Sara B. and all the amazing women in my life.
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