Featuring My Sober Sister Lara Frazier
I met Lara after I started going public with my recovery and I had instantly connected with her! Lara has a huge heart and has been helping many people along the way. Her writing is raw, real, honest, and insightful and often she takes the words right out of my head. Recently she wrote two posts that have hit home for me in a huge way.
The first one that I will call There are multiple pathways to recovery literally blew me away! She said all that I have been thinking – why do we bash each other’s recoveries is just beyond me! Who cares how each of us is recovering! If it improves our lives then it is working and no one has the right to judge and assume that any of us are doing it “wrong”!
The second one I will call I lost touch is a beautiful poem or a list (but I’d rather call it a poem) of letting go and emerging into a new woman. It is a list of all the things that I have been holding on to myself and all the things that I am currently working on letting go. This one really tugged at my heart and got me all teary eyed – it sure has been a wild and an extraordinary journey for me!
So, I am sharing these posts with you and I hope you love them as much as I do!
Thank you Lara ❤ ❤ ❤ !!
There are multiple pathways to recovery.
People have recovered using a thousand or so different modalities. Recovery is an individual journey!
SAMHSA defines Recovery as a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live self-directed lives, and strive to reach their full potential.
THIS IS RECOVERY.
It’s been a long week my friends. I was going to say “If I have to argue, with every stranger on the internet, about multiple pathways to recovery, I will.”
But, I changed it up – because I don’t want to argue, I want to advocate.
I posted something about relapse last week & there were many people who had opinions to share based on the thinking they learned in the 12 step rooms.
The type of thinking that tells people:
– If you work “the program” & don’t make it, “you must be constitutionally incapable of being honest with yourself.”
– the only way to recovery is ‘the program”
– the only way to recovery is to work the 12 steps
– the only way to recovery is God
– if you aren’t in “the program” you are just abstinent – you aren’t in recovery.
There is so much good in AA, & for people who have left or don’t jive with it these types of one way/only way comments are harmful & unhelpful.
If you want people to see the beauty of AA, tell them about the miracles & the fellowship & what the 12 steps have done for you – but, do not tell them they will die without it or won’t get sober without it or that there is only one way to do AA or NA & “the program” is the only way. Because it’s not, and it’s just not true.
12 step programs are one of many ways. And they can be used in conjunction with other modalities.
Here is a short list of ways people have recovered.
Natural recovery, recovery mutual aid groups, medication-assisted recovery, peer based support groups, with God, without God, family recovery, technology-based recovery, alternative recovery supports, moderation management, women for sobriety, Refuge recovery, AA, NA, SMART recovery, celebrate recovery, LifeRing, Phoenix MultiSport, Wellbriety, methadone, buprenorphine, naltrexone, recovery life coaching, running, yoga, nutrition, recovery 2.0, Reddit, in the rooms, she recovers, hip sobriety school, podcasts, therapy, meditation, amino acids, hypnotherapy, holistic health, mindfulness, etc. etc. etc.
I lost touch
I lost touch with the woman with low self-esteem who would never say NO & who would always allow her boundaries to be invaded.
I lost touch with the woman who lived in shame about her addictions & gave too big of a fuck about what other people thought of her past.
I lost touch with the woman who used to care too deeply about material things like wealth, status & money.
I lost touch with the woman who used to allow men to abuse her because she didn’t know how to be alone with herself.
I lost touch with the woman who was so traumatized by her past that she could barely speak a word of truth.
I lost touch with the woman who chose superficiality over authenticity.
I lost touch with the woman who thought she was too much for people so she played so small.
I lost touch with the woman who had big dreams but wouldn’t take action on making them come true.
I lost touch with the woman who only posted content that would appeal to her readers & followers.
I lost touch with the woman who wouldn’t talk about her drug addiction in a room full of women who misuse alcohol.
I lost touch with the woman who would not say sorry and always had to be right.
I lost touch with the woman who held onto resentments & guilt & shame & only lived in the past.
I lost touch with the woman I used to be – in order to become the woman I am now.
Lara Frazier is a freelance writer, a truth-teller, a sobriety warrior, and an innovator. She is a FIERCE believer in the power of owning our stories and is a strong advocate for addiction recovery. Lara shares a story of healing: in sobriety, through addiction, in life and love, and in all the other big, huge moments of fear and magic that we rarely talk about, but we should. Her website is https://larafrazier.com/
If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD)*, please check out the Sober Courage menu at the top of this page for an extensive list of support groups and recovery related articles.
*Problem drinking that becomes severe is given the medical diagnosis of “alcohol use disorder” or AUD. AUD is a chronic relapsing brain disease characterized by compulsive alcohol use, loss of control over alcohol intake, and a negative emotional state when not using (Ref: NIAAA).