When I hold a death grip on everything in my life, and things do not go may way, I find myself stuck in fear and I try to control everything even more. But I know that I actually have very little and often no control over people, things and places around me. I only have control over me and how we deal with the given situations.
Over the last several years in my sobriety, I have noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control and when I allow them to happen instead of trying to desperately make them happen. Unfortunately, I often struggle with this, because although I am much better than I used to be, I am still a bit of a control freak. I often waste lots of good energy trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent, but somewhere in side of me, I am convinced that I can!
I try to control things for many reasons, but mostly because I get a sense of security. I also:
- Want to control things because I fear what I think might happen if I don’t.
- Like to control because I am attached to the favorable outcome, my way.
- Feel that I am successful and get things done.
Of course control is wonderful if everything turns out the way I want it too! Unfortunately that doesn’t happen often and I am left disappointed and resentful.
However, the energy of letting go accomplishes much more than the energy of control.
When I am stuck and have a hard time letting go, I turn to my trusty old tool, the GOD box. Of course do not be frightened by its name, in case you’re like me — not religious, you can call it whatever you wish and it does no even have to be a box. The point is to be able to do something physical as you are turning it over, or letting it go, or accepting it.
I have a God box that I received for my three year soberversary, from a dear friend. Inside of it is a little poem:
When your head starts to worry,
And your mind just can’t rest,
Put your thoughts down on paper,
And let God do the rest.
Whatever I am struggling with, resentment or a fear, or a difficult situation, I write it on a piece of paper and I put it in the box to give it to God, or the powers that maybe – whatever makes you comfortable. Then I am not to think of that struggle again. When I feel like I have let it go, I can throw the paper away!
I love this tool, because I have a hard time doing things that do not include doing something physical, I can’t seem to do it just in my head or heart! But this works wonders! My box is empty right now, but I am getting ready to fill it up!
Letting go leads to freedom. When we learn to let go, we can be free of the sources of our pain and suffering that are holding us back.
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Oh goodness, we must be sisters from other mothers! All I can say is:
1. Yes, and its difficult to let go of this obsession that goes deep within.
2. Yes.
3. Yes.
Needing to write things down? Yes again. Thanks so much for sharing the God box idea; I’ll certainly give it a go.
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Lol! We must! Control is so deep rooted for me too. I think my whole family is a bunch of control freaks! I do have to say that I am way better than I was. It used to just be crazy. Now it kinda creeps up on me so I got to get it as soon as I notice it. Lol!
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You just reminded me that a dear friend gave me a God box awhile ago. I haven’t used it yet. I have a real issue with letting go of the idea of control, even when I know full well I don’t have it. This was a timely post, as I have something big I could put in my god box today, something I’m really struggling with. Thank you.
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You’re very welcome! I literally found today that I was holding on to something that I wasn’t even a part of, that someone I knew was doing. Something I strongly disagreed with. I sooo wanted to fix things and them – and you know, give them a piece of my mind! Lol!! Ugh. Then I saw my box! Yes, perfecting here too.
Hugs.
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this was a HUGE tool for me….the act of writing down the whatever it was and then physically putting it into the box. I was shocked at how much it helped me because i wasn’t a god girl either. But i have my sponsee do this and , for me, i seldom do it anymore..i am better and better at letting things go without the actual physical act…..i have learned to trust the universe more and let go of control more easily.
and i always give my god box the credit for helping me get there
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Yep! Same here. When I had no concept of a Higher Power or how he was going to take care of it it was quite surprising how wonderfully it worked. And than to see whatever work itself out, without my intervention!? Magic, I thought! Lol!
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I actually posted something about a God box today! I saw it in Facebook and thought it was a great idea to try. Now I just need a box…
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I got my box long time ago, and I used to use it all the time, then it got easier and I stopped using it. But like in your post, sometimes I need to return to the work I did early on, because new stuff shows up and then again, I am again trying to take charge. I am not in charge! 🙂
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I loved this idea when I heard about it. The woman who told me about it added one additional instruction: If I find that I’ve “taken it back” after putting it in the God box, I am to pull the piece of paper out of the box and carry it around in my hand. No putting it down for a while. She said it was a powerful way for her to learn to let what she had put in the box, stay in the box. Carrying that piece of paper in my hand makes it impossible for me to do MY work and God to do HIS work.
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Oh, that is great! I bet you can feel the weight of that paper as you’re carry it around, huh? Thank you for sharing this. Hugs!
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That’s a great idea! I am right there with you doing everything physical and not so much mental!
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Lol! Sounds kind of funny doesn’t it? I have a friend who sets out a bunch of glasses and then turns them over as the physical act of turning it over. I actually tried that too, again worked great!
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One of the best tools you ever put on my toolbox. As you know I love control, with a capital C! Still working on those sheets! Lol!
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Lol! Me too! We’re so alike… hugs!
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Love this, Maggie, as soon as these kids are back in school I’m going God Box Shopping 🙂
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